It’s Complicated: Love for Grown Folks

I didn’t understand what love would be like. Not love for grown-folks. 

How could I really? 

Love isn’t something you can understand until you are in the thick of it. And then sometimes it’s hard to parse out exactly what you should be doing, when and how you should draw lines, chart new directions, rely on what you know, aspire toward something else. 

Giving. Drawing boundaries. Clearly (and vulnerably) declaring your own needs. Dealing compassionately with someone else’s: Needs. Fears. Desires. Regrets. Aspirations. Depression. Elation. Grief. Hope. Their shitty days. Their unbridled excitement over something so mundane that it takes you by surprise and delights you. Or it doesn’t. In which case you’re just baffled. Which can be okay, too. 

Being all in this whole love business can be contradictory, confusing. But mostly I find it intriguing, fortifying in a way that’s hard to quantify.

Under the gentle chaos of daily life, there’s a thrum of energy that reminds me I am deeply loved. By someone I love in return. And that feels so miraculous. Like a wonder. What are the odds, really?

Almost nothing about my relationship with Simon has been easy. But who the hell is looking for easy? Certainly not me (not most of the time, anyway). The Universe knows I get bored (and sometimes a little low-key destructive) without a challenge. 

So, in all its benevolence, generosity, and great love for me, the Universe nudged Simon into my life. We took it from there. Because–let’s face it–we’re drawn to each other. It’s like a magnetic pull. We’ve tried our hardest to fall apart a few times. I mean, we’ve made a colossal mess out of things more than once. But we’ve also chosen each other again. And again. And again.

Simon rolls his eyes at how many times we’ve been married (it’s two by the way. Just the two times. A commitment ceremony & legal courthouse “I Do” in New York). But really, isn’t the spirit of marriage & partnership something that has to be declared over and over again? Something that should always be more than just a habit you find yourself in?

Simon is a revelation. Every day. I am fascinated by who he is. Who he wants to become. The journey he’s taken to get here. 

We’re so wildly different. Navigating life together, carving out space for each other while still honoring ourselves, is work, undoubtedly. But it’s sacred work. 

And for the effort, I feel seen, witnessed in a way I couldn’t have fathomed back when I thought love was meant to be easy.

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