In an exceptional display of undying love and infinite magnanimity, the soon-to-be 12 year old allowed me to play a Chicago song this morning on the drive to school.
In an exceptional display of undying love and infinite magnanimity, the soon-to-be 12 year old allowed me to play a Chicago song this morning on the drive to school.
Typically, she’s the DJ. Which means that I get to hear new-to-me music, figure out what she’s listening to, and bring myself right into the 2023 pop scene. And I get to veto songs I think are bullshit (like Unholy by Sam Smith. That one is a hard no from me. For real, it’s a song about some cheating asshole who leaves his kids at home so he can go get a side piece. No thanks).
If you don’t have a tween, you might not understand how self-sacrificial it is not only to listen to a song your mom picked out, but to listen to a song from eons ago when she was a kid. So old. And decidedly uncool.
But the kid never plays it like that.
I taught her the lyrics to “Hard to Say I’m Sorry” when she was a toddler. And when I played it in the car today, her effort to reach back in her brain and grab the lyrics was visible on her sweet little face. She remembered a few and sang along, but at some point I realized that she was just staring at me, watching me sing my heart out (wildly off-key, of course), grinning away, soft pink lip gloss shimmering in the mid-morning light.
The openness on her face startled me. Like she was seeing me as a person for a minute, instead of just her mom. It might have made me tear up, if I wasn’t so busy belting out Chicago.
“I can’t play this stuff in the store,” I told her.
She raised her eyebrows. “Why not?”
“Because I can’t help but sing like this when it’s on.”
She quickly agreed we should just keep it in the car, then.
She’s not wrong.
I dropped her off and continued my Chicago kick on the way to Kroger. The dinner grocery grab stops for no one. As I pulled into the parking lot, “Will You Still Love Me” came on.
Another perk of being my kid is getting to witness my deconstruction of songs in the car. I like to think of it as helpful interjections. And I had quite a few for “Will You Still Love Me”:
Take me as I am put your hand in mine now and forever (whoa, buddy. Slow it down. Forever is a loooong time. Besides, it’s impractical–and sweaty–to hold hands all the time)
Darling here I stand, stand before you now deep inside I always knew (did you now? always?)
It was you, you and me, two hearts drawn together bound by destiny (“bound” is a little problematic for me. do I get any choice in this?)
It was you and you for me, every road leads to your door
Every step I take forever more
Just say you’ll love me for the rest of your life (dude. I don’t even know what I’m going to eat for lunch today. How am I supposed to know what I’ll be down for for the rest of my life?!)
I gotta lot of love and I don’t want to let go (well, I suppose that’s nice)
Will you still love me for the rest of my life? (god, there we are with the “rest of my life” business again. Would just right now be good enough?)
‘Cause I can’t go on, no I can’t go on (wait, what?)
I can’t go on if I’m on my own (oh lord. Sure you can. I mean, this is starting to sound a little co-dependent. You can do it on your own. I believe in you)
Take me as I am, put your heart in mine, stay with me forever (Putting my heart in yours is metaphorical, right?)
‘Cause I am just a man who never understood, I never had a thing to prove (never understood what? personal space?relationships? and, I gotta say, I’m feeling like I can get by without you proving anything to me, either)
There was you you and me then it all came clear so suddenly (like getting hit in the head by something?)
How close to you that I wanna be (how much closer can we get?)
Just say you’ll love me for the rest of your life (ugh)
I gotta lot of love and I don’t want to let go (you are making me want to flee)
Will you still love me for the rest of my life? (are you planning on loving me at all? Because this is kinda becoming all about you)
‘Cause I can’t go on, no I can’t go on (This again?)
I can’t go on if I’m on my own (we’re really going to need to work on your self-sufficiency)
Do you believe a love could run so stong? (uh-huh)
Do you believe a love could pass you by? (I’m starting to wish you’d passed me by)
There was no special one for me
I was the lonely one, you see (so I’m a consolation prize? Charming)
But then my heart lost all control (who is driving this bus then?)
Now you’re all that I know (moderation, buddy. I don’t need to be anyone’s everything)
Just say you’ll love me for the rest of your life (*backs*)
I gotta lot of love and I don’t want to let go (*away*)
Will you still love me for the rest of my life? (*slowly*)
‘Cause I can’t go on, no I can’t go on (*calls*)
‘Cause I can’t go on, no I can’t go on (*girlfriends*)
I can’t go on without somebody I could call my own (*for girl’s night out*)
‘Cause I can’t go on, no I can’t go on (*and wonders*)
I can’t go on (*at the emotional nascency*)
‘Cause I can’t go on, no, I can’t go on (*of this dude*)
As I shopped for nutritional yeast in Kroger (it’s like a scavenger hunt in that place), I kept giggling to myself. Because I think I’m pretty funny with my song deconstructions. But also, because my kid let me relive part of my childhood. And she let me share it with her. She let me share me with her.
It was a good morning.
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