I've scrolled Facebook so much in the last 12 hours that I don't know, at first, if the kids that pop into my feed are dead now or if I'm just looking at shots of my friends' kids finishing up their school year. The dead and the living, intermingled in my feed. The same age.... Continue Reading →
I am attached to the lie about why I didn't get my PhD. It's a pet lie. In my head it looks something like this: And it's more comfortable than the truth, which stings a little and is, well, embarrassing--as truths can sometimes be. The lie goes like this: I'd reached a point in my... Continue Reading →
Using a working definition of love that tells us it is the action we take on behalf of our own or another’s spiritual growth provides us with a beginning blueprint for working on the issue of self-love. –bell hooks, All About Love People talk a lot about self-love and self-care. From a practical standpoint, though,... Continue Reading →
I misunderstood adulthood. I thought it was a destination that, once reached, meant all my shit would be irrevocably together. But, seemingly, there’s no magical destination. And having one’s shit together is apparently not a linear process, not a level to be unlocked. Instead, it’s more cyclical, with some ebbs and flows. And seemingly random... Continue Reading →
I’ve been itching to write my own gospel. A little bastion of ideas and thoughts so deeply held that they’re woven into the fabric of my life. Kind of like The Gospel According to Shug Avery–something real and true. Something I’ve had to create and live into to dispel all the hurt and ache my... Continue Reading →
Dear Trans Kids: I went outside today, and the blueness of the sky took my breath away. I stood there, feeling the barely-there burn of the sun against my skin, and I remembered deeply, on a cellular level, that the divine infuses everything. Me. You. The sun, the moon, the stars, the trees. We are... Continue Reading →
Sitting still is a struggle. I resist it mightily–if not in bodily motion, by sullying the stillness with a generous portion of guilt. For not getting more done. Not accomplishing. Even though wisdom is born of stillness. I fight a constant urge to get up, move, do. To produce. To have something to show. Something... Continue Reading →
I remember the very early days of motherhood as endless and exhausting. I had this gorgeous baby that I’d worked so hard to bring Earthside. And she had so. many. needs. She was an easy baby, I suppose. As if that is even a thing. But it is humbling and terrifying to realize that much... Continue Reading →
Today, as I was stretching to reach the top of the shower rod, so I could thread plastic loops through the holes of both the shower curtain and the liner, which I couldn’t even see because I’m way too short, I thought… adulting is stupid. Half the time, I feel like I’m playing house, doing... Continue Reading →
She often naysays new adventures. Always pushing to discover precisely what’s in store. Unknown throws her off-kilter. But life is inscrutable. Most of the time. So I push her. To explore. To rest easy in the not knowing. I wonder if I’m the best teacher, myself a resister of spontaneity. But I’m in recovery from... Continue Reading →
