I broke up with my therapist a little while back. Nice woman. Jaunty British accent. Gay. (She got good marks on all these fronts.) But, we ran up against a topic that she just wasn’t able to hear me on. I like to tell people that I broke up with her because she told me... Continue Reading →
Grief is sneaky. And it can only be kept at bay for so long. Above all else, grief wants to be felt. To be dealt with. Grief wants you to sit right there in it. Some stupidly beautiful TikTok song that Jane played for me on our way to the Little Tart for a before-school... Continue Reading →
My 12 year old sent me shopping to buy her an outfit for her Valentine’s Day dance. This child has not let me dress her since she was 18 months old. This is a rare privilege, brought to me by a weekend full of (minor) illnesses that kept us (mostly) at home snuggled on the... Continue Reading →
In an exceptional display of undying love and infinite magnanimity, the soon-to-be 12 year old allowed me to play a Chicago song this morning on the drive to school. In an exceptional display of undying love and infinite magnanimity, the soon-to-be 12 year old allowed me to play a Chicago song this morning on the... Continue Reading →
I didn’t understand what love would be like. Not love for grown-folks. How could I really? Love isn’t something you can understand until you are in the thick of it. And then sometimes it’s hard to parse out exactly what you should be doing, when and how you should draw lines, chart new directions, rely... Continue Reading →
Mornings are a barrage of talking, negotiating, finding lost objects, and hurrying the sixth grader out the door. How getting her to the bus stop on time requires rushing in any way, I have yet to puzzle out. She gets up at 6:45am. The bus arrives at 8:45am. Should she be able to fashion her... Continue Reading →
I spent my whole childhood standing around uncomfortably. Waiting for people to notice. Never asking for what I needed. Just standing. Ostensibly to avoid being a bother. But becoming more bothersome in my silence. Today, when it was my kid’s turn in line, simultaneously all adults got distracted. She froze, triggering the moments I’d been... Continue Reading →
On Twitter, a mom insisted worry should be ingrained in the return-to-school process during COVID. As if I were letting kids down by not succumbing to a vortex of worry. Worry has never manifested anything good in my life. Never changed anything. Instead, worry blocks me from wise decision making. From exploring all the options,... Continue Reading →
The first day of school is like the liquidy center of that throwback 1980s gum I always begged for as a kid. A burst of surprise on a regular weekday. Something new, a flood of possibility. Warm fluidity, everyone bound together by first day jitters and the elation of a new adventure. I can viscerally... Continue Reading →
Her palm-sized mary janes pump back and forth, each leg secured in a square hole, holding on to the bar, examining me carefully. I smile behind my mask and wave. Then I lose the thread. Her tenuous attention shifts. I’m alone in the checkout, suddenly mourning my daughter’s toddlerhood. Hard, long hours. Battles of wills.... Continue Reading →
